Why is my baby sick all the time?

After giving birth exactly as I planned to (albeit about 20 hours longer than I wanted!) I was exhausted, but so happy. We were living in a building site at the time, but the end was almost in sight and we now had our long wished for baby.

Fast forward 2 weeks I was in hospital with my son and it was the start of a very long journey of not being heard, not being listened to, being fobbed off and being made to think I wasn't coping as a first time mum. 

My son was sick all the time. He cried unless he was feeding or sleeping. He was sleeping an average of 12 hours per day and only then on me or my husband. He didn't want to be put down and hated being on his back. He just wanted to be on me. I chose to breastfeed him and my god it was painful! I got mastitis twice, had pinched, bleeding and cracked nipples, feeds would generally last an hour and an hour later he would be desperate to feed again. He wriggled around a lot, passed wind a lot and struggled to pass stools for the first 10 months of his life. 

None of it seemed right, it just didn't FEEL right. 

I didn't think I had unrealistic expectations of what my baby would be like or what being a mum would feel like, but I was made to feel this way by people who were supposed to be there to support us. 

• "Just remember, babies do cry" - parting words from a doctor in the children's ward

• "Are you a first time mum?" - came out the mouth of every doctor we saw

• "It is normal for babies to be sick" - said by a paediatric consultant we paid £200 to see

When he was 2 months old I cut wheat, dairy, bananas, citrus fruit, egg yolks, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, Quorn products, garlic and chilli out of my diet. I am a vegetarian so it really didn't leave me with much to eat to support myself, let alone my growing son. After 6 months I moved him onto formula, my body just couldn't cope anymore on such a limited diet. 

He was given a completely dairy free formula, but he would not drink it, so I changed him onto a soy based formula. He improved slightly, but it wasn't a game changer.

I started weaning him when he was 6.5 months. I had long awaited this moment. So many people had told me his reflux would improve once he started solids. Things did not improve though. His sick just now would be coloured and could stain better. He was still not sleeping as well as I knew he should be. He was still bloated a lot and had terrible trouble going for a poo. I was having to give him a suppository, massage his belly and comfort him every time he needed to go. It was heart breaking. 

When he was 10 months old I found The Baby Reflux Lady on Google. I don't know how many times over the previous 9 and a half months I had Googled reflux, why is my baby sick all the time, why does my baby cry, why wont my baby sleep, milk rash, Colic, how to calm a baby, the list goes on... On this particular day, or evening, or middle of the night, who knows, it all felt the same to me, The Baby Reflux Lady website came up. I suddenly felt there may be someone who genuinely could help me and my baby and understand what we were going through as a family. 

We had been to our GP, spoken to health visitors and midwives, spent money on seeing a private GP, private paediatric consultant, had blood tests, spoken to a sleep consultant and no one had helped us so far. I didn't want to keep throwing money away, but this felt different, it felt like I had found someone who would actually understand, who would help us, carry us out to the other side whilst caring all the way through. I spent a couple of days wondering what to do and decided we had to try. It was the only glimmer of hope.

I brought the book, paid to have a 1 to 1 consultation and paid to do the weaning course. The information I was reading made so much sense and explained so much. I was fully committed. 

On the recommendation of one of Aine's trained Baby Reflux Ladies we change his formula. In 2 days he was a different baby. He went from being sick countless times per day to once a day, a tiny amount.

We went back to basics with his food as per the weaning course suggested. It was hard to feel we were going backwards and essentially start weaning from scratch, but within a week he was so much happier, less windy, passing stools more often without my help and sleeping so much better!

I was lucky that my husband trusted my judgement regarding our son implicitly. Without that trust and support I am not sure where I would be now. 

I had now decided to start training as a Baby Reflux Lady myself and it soon became apparent my son had a lip tie and tongue tie. I was so angry and upset. We were meant to be moving forward and it felt like we were stuck again, but this time I had an amazing mini female army with me, my fellow Baby Reflux Ladies in training. They listened, they understood, they cared. 

Finding myofunctional therapy UK validated everything I had just learnt through the course, but I had known it deep down all along. Fighting to have his tongue released was not something I expected to have to go through. It did break me.  

It took 5 months from me first suspecting his tongue tie to having it released. We had to find someone to officially diagnose him, have therapy sessions to prepare him for the procedure, find a surgeon (as he was now 18 months old) willing to do the procedure and get the go ahead that he was ready physically and mentally. We did not get the go ahead from the lead therapist so I did have to fight for him to be able to get it done. I understood all we were being told, but I knew him best and I knew for various reasons both short and long term it was best for him to have it done ASAP and not wait until he was older (which was suggested to us).

I vividly remember sitting on the train with him heading to the clinic. It had been such a build up and I felt so sick I could barely read him a book to keep him entertained, but was trying to stay calm and happy for him. 

Watching my son learn how to use his tongue; the first time he stuck it out, without really knowing he had done it or how he had done it, was so emotional for me. I was elated. He was now chewing his food and not gagging on everything. His speech just went through the roof. He wanted to copy us and say real words. He has always been very chatty and vocal since he was very young, but he wasn't saying any recognisable words or attempting to copy us. I think he didn't bother as he just couldn't physically make any other sounds. 

To get to where we are now has been a long, emotional, overwhelming battle, but we have made it out the other side. My marriage survived, our son is the loveliest, happiest little boy who is thriving and we can now all take a breath and enjoy each other. 

I have learnt so much because of what we have gone through and have just about made peace with it all now, but that doesn't mean anyone else should have to. 

I want to pass on what I have learnt so you don't have to experience even a little bit of what we did.